Some of the things we usually remember isn’t always from the present. The past would always be a part of it, lurking beneath the surfaces of your mind, ready to rise up every time a trigger has been pulled. Childhood memories have always been and will always be a part of every individual. Buried deep within the recesses of our minds, it will always take up as much space as it can. The vague highlights of a 13th birthday party; the faint echoes of your adventure with friends by teetering and falling of your bikes; or the comforting pat on the knee as your mom tends to a gaping wound. As much as everyone would like a world full of happy memories, there will always be a fault in everyone’s stars.
The worst kind of pain isn’t burning your tongue with hot food, but it is the struggle to repress hurtful memories that claw and turn your heart raw as it pounds in your head with pain. May it be the churning reminiscence of a belt to the outstretched hands; a verbally abusive session with heavily drunk parents; your hair being pulled from the scalp as you kneel down on salt; or even the bitter taste of abandonment at such an early age in life. As much as we try to convince ourselves that all of it is fine, that it is such a mere stage in life where everyone must undergo, it is not enough to cover the pang of it all. “Pain demands to be felt,” as what I read from a book. And that’s the problem. Not all people can withstand that much emotion and thus results to the widespread problem of today’s generation: teen suicide. Based from a survey back in 2003, a person dies by suicide every 18 minutes with the rate of 10.4 per 100,000 for teens and young adults. And although Oregon has the suicide law, with doctors to help the mentally competent patients to take their own lives, does it give the right idea for teens to also follow this kind of behavior?
The mind of a suicidal teen is a dangerous one. Isolated, full of panic, self-loathing, and soul crushing insecurities. Factors like peers, family, studies, and relationships can have a direct effect on them. Being around the area would be like stepping into a mine filled space with bombs buried deep within. But one cannot simply tick off the factors using ten fingers because its so much bigger than that. The sheer scope of it is too much to handle, too much to study overnight, too much to even put in this here, but we all do know one thing: the present is the window to the past. Most teen victims of suicide have been shoved with too much abuse and abandonment. And with every slight pull of the trigger, the childhood memories that have greatly affected them comes rushing in, overwhelms them with too much emotion it reaches a point of puzzlement until everything just starts to slip right off the edge. Holding on to these issues would be like holding onto a glass of water for a very long time. It starts to wear you down and before you realize it, you are incapable of doing anything else.
Let go once in a while.
It’s time to open our eyes.
This isn’t Hangman where you can just simply choose to restart the game.